The question of what happens to people that kill themselves comes up with desperate and saddening regularity in afterlife work. First – my personal experience. I’ve lost 3 people close to me (and know of many other friends of friends) to the most violent suicides – two family members (one blood, one marriage) and my best friend. Two of these people were diagnosed with a mental illness, one was seemingly ‘random’. I’ve experienced my own very dark hours and have bipolar disorder which makes me far more likely than average to take my own life. I’ve experienced suicide from both sides of that dark coin.

Here I will talk to both the family and friends of suicides, and would-be suicides. My words to family and friends should offer solace, my words to the would-be suicides may seem harsh, but are said with love from my own experience. I’m aware the word ‘suicide’ is linked to a criminal act and may be deemed offensive and dehumanising to some people and for that I apologise. It is simply one word to describe an act for which there are no words.

To family and friends of ‘suicides’

What happens to people after they kill themselves?

The thing that worries people the most about their loved one once the grieving process is under way and thoughts go to the afterlife is ‘are they punished?’. The simple answer is no. The more complicated answer is yes and no.

The suicide is not punished by the light. They are not slung into jail, cast out of heaven or otherwise castigated. But. The suicide bears witness to your grief, anger and pain and that is punishment enough. Some people that cross themselves over will need to go through a period of healing – they may be confused, desperate or angry. However once the dust has settled for them they need to face the consequences.

Suicide is not seen as inevitable from the other side. But it is forgiven. This is my answer in a nutshell to friends and family. There are exceptions to the rule – not all suicides are intentional, (see *). I understand this – and it is understood by the other side.

My own experience is that 2 out of the 2 close suicides I have heard from or about since I have been receiving EVP is that they are in the light and have a life there.

You may need to stop reading at this point as I address my would-be suicidal incarnate brothers and sisters. But it may offer another perspective.

To would-be ‘suicides’

Suicide is NOT an exit option and is NEVER the decent thing to do

The reason I make this statement above is that often suicide is seen as an escape plan – a way out. It isn’t. Life is eternal, you don’t get to rest in black nothingness with all of those painful feelings switched off. It isn’t even pain transference as is popularly shared on social media – it is pain shared.

In 2017 one of my team members sums the act up (apologies for sound quality, if you can’t hear, use headphones)

EVP “At no point is suicide the decent thing to do (thing to do)”

Suicide – pain shared – not transferred

You will be familiar with murder and all of the anguish that is associated with the family of murder victims. Murder victims are not complicit in their deaths and that, at least, isn’t a feeling their family and friends have to cope with. Your family and friends not only have to cope with having a murder victim in their family (suicide by definition is self-murder), but they have to cope with knowing you are complicit and *wanted that murder.

Once you have crossed yourself over you will face consequences, not of being punished by being cast out, but by witnessing the devastation left behind in the wake of your death. From observing who finds you, to the grief of your family as they receive that phone call/open that door to be told the news. Their grief will be palpable and unbearable. You will try to comfort and they will not hear. You will try to apologise and offer whatever explanation you may have – they will not hear. This is your punishment.

No family or friends? Nobody who cares? Really? What about the person that finds you? There is no non-violent way to commit suicide. Even seemingly ‘quiet’ ways are ugly. A paramedic, or other emergency service, a council officer, a neighbour – they will have to deal with that ugliness for the rest of their lives.

This act of violence you inflict upon yourself you are inflicting upon others. Not all violence is physical – your physical violence (suicide) inflicts psychological violence upon and creates lasting damage to your loved ones. Your last act on Earth has been an act of violence on the ones you love.

Doomed to repeat lessons

Quite possibly the most logical reason for keeping on keeping on, is that you will have to go through all of this pain again in another lifetime. We are not here just once. We come back again and again to soak up Earth’s lessons – lessons that cannot be learned in the light. Mental illness aside, perhaps you have lost a loved one and cannot go on, perhaps you crave to join them. And you will – in the fullness of time at life’s natural conclusion. Do you really want to come back and lose that same child/partner/family member/business (or any other reason) again? The answer is NO. Of course you don’t want to go through this again. You will go back to spirit, then be reborn at some point to experience that very same loss in another lifetime, quite ignorant that this scenario has already been played out. And so on ad nauseum until you live life to its full and natural conclusion.

This doesn’t mean, as far as I understand, you are reborn immediately and miss reunions in spirit with your current family when they return to spirit. But it does mean you will need to be reborn leaving them again.

Harsh words said with love

These words to those considering suicide may seem harsh. Please don’t think my intentions are to upset – they are to explain and distract using logic and emotion.

The pain you feel now you must bear. You must. And over time it will subside to a dull ache and eventually you can go home – to spirit – if not happy, at least satisfied, that you have shouldered the pain you could only feel on Earth. You will learn empathy for others through this pain, that is pain’s purpose. The struggle against these feelings is one of life’s greatest lessons in my opinion, Having faced this pain myself, I can say this with some experience. You are stronger than you think you are.

“This too shall pass”

Suicide hotlines


Nicola (Seeker)

*wanted – there are acts of suicide which are out of control (psychotic episodes, disassociative episodes ending in unintentional suicide)